“Cubone pines for the mother it will never see again. Seeing a likeness of its mother in the full moon, it cries. The stains on the skull the Pokémon wears are made by the tears it sheds.”
“It stands in front of a mirror, trying to fix its broken neck as if its life depended on it. It has a hard time getting it right, so it’s crying inside.”
“It is virtually worthless in terms of both power and speed. It is the most weak and pathetic Pokémon in the world.”
Actual Pokédex entries
In gym class, this Pokémon was always picked last. It has a recurring skin infection which it feels very self-conscious about.
This Pokémon is tormented by headaches, but it doesn’t have any psychic powers. Just headaches.
As a child, it dreamed of becoming an artist. It is now known as “the call centre Pokémon”. It thinks about doing a life drawing class, but can’t afford it.
This Pokémon’s mother didn’t like it as much as its sibling, and she thought nobody could tell, but everyone could.
On full moons, this Pokémon can be seen doing strange dances by itself. When it runs out of wine, it has a breakdown and looks up its ex on Instagram.
This Pokémon is cursed to haunt the Pumpkin Café at Swindon railway station. As if that isn’t enough, it’s also named Pooplybloots.
An orphan, it once threw a birthday party and nobody came to it. Also it looks like a crying turnip or something. That’s what this Pokémon’s deal is.
Remember your beloved childhood pet who your parents said went to the farm? They actually put it down. Now its ghost is a Pokémon and it hates you.
This Pokémon is just absolute trash. Scientists are currently researching why it sucks so much so they can feel better about themselves.
Known for its red and white stripes, this Pokémon was relegated for two seasons running. This Pokémon is Sunderland AFC.
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